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I like glitter and sparkly dresses, But I'm not gonna talk about that In my monologue I like baking and things that smell like winter, But I'm not gonna talk about that In my monologue La la la, la la la I like writing songs about douche bags who cheat on me, But I'm not gonna say that In my monologue I like writing their names into songs so they're ashamed to go in public, But I'm not gonna say that In my monologue La la, la la la la la This is my musical monologue You might think I'd bring up Joe, The guy who broke up with me on the phone, But I'm not gonna mention him In my monologue Hey Joe! I'm doing real well, Tonight I'm hosting SNL But I'm not gonna brag about that In my monologue La la la, ha ha ha Ha ha ha, ha ha ha La la la And if you're wondering if I might, Be dating the werewolf from Twilight, (Hi Taylor!) I'm not gonna comment on that In my monologue La la, la la la la la This is my musical monologue You might be expecting me to say Something bad about Kanye And how he ran up on the stage And ruined by VMA monologue..... But there's nothing more to say Cause everything's okay I've got security lining this stage This is my SNL monologue La la, la la la la la This is my SNL monologue La la, la la la la la That was my SNL monologue