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Watch this These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I can say I came up with more secrets to tell you today These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me So now I gotta give you part three of my confessions First I told you 'bout the skank that I was cheatin' with Then I mentioned she's havin' my kid That's not all, now I recall more, you see So I'll give you part three of my confessions Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts one and two Like, remember when I told you that I knew Pauley Shore Pauley Shore, that's a lie, I don't know what I said that for I borrowed your ChapStick from you without asking Oh, and I tried out your nose hair trimmer too And by the way, your "diamond" ring is cubic zirconium I killed your goldfish accidentally, just replaced it with another one These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I can say I need to get some things off my chest right away These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me Now I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions Threw up on your dog last time I had too much to drink There've been times when I peed in your sink Don't know why but you and I should agree That belongs in part three of my confessions Baby forgive me I'm still trying to figure out Why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grout Oh, and sometimes in private Really like to dress up like Shirley Temple And spank myself with a hockey stick My boss thinks I'm a jerk, didn't get that raise I haven't changed my underwear in twenty-seven days And when I'm kissing you I fantasize you're a midget I'm so sorry Debbie, I mean Bridget These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I can say I got a few more secrets I'd like to convey These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me Now I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions Gave you buttered toast I dropped and picked up off the floor FYI, it was not a cold sore (Not a cold sore) Whoops, my bad (Hope you're not sore at me) But you'll be madder at me when I finish part three of my confessions You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this But you remember that shirt you got me for my birthday? Well, I returned it for store credit That thing was hideous, what were you thinking? Oh, by the way, I wasn't really sick last week I just didn't want to go to your stupid office picnic Oh, and when I told you at breakfast we were all out of Rice Krispies What I meant was, there was only enough left for me, sorry These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I can say I thought of some more things that should scare you away These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions Once I blew my nose and then I wiped it on your cat And I lied, yes, that dress makes you look fat Anyway, I shouldn't say anymore 'Til I give you part four of my confessions I mean, I'm just getting started here I'm not even halfway down the list This thing could go on for Hey hey, where you goin'? Honey? What? Was it something I said? Women!