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Well, I woke up in the morning
There's frogs inside my socks
Your mama, shes a-hidin'
Inside the icebox

Your daddy walks in wearin'
A Napoleon Bonaparte mask

Then you ask, why I don't live here
Honey, do you have to ask?

Well, I go to pet your monkey
I get a face full of claws
I ask that who's in the fireplace
And you tell me Santa Claus

The milkman comes in
He's wearing a derby hat

Then you ask, why I don't live here
Honey, how come, you have to ask me that?

Well, I asked for something to eat
I'm hungry as a hog
So I get brown rice, seaweed
And a dirty hot dog

I've got a hole
Where my stomach disappeared

Then you ask, why I don't live here
Honey, I gotta think you're really weird

Your grandpa's cane
It turns into a sword
Your grandma prays to pictures
That are pasted on a board

Everything inside my pockets
Your uncle steals

Then you ask, why I don't live here
Honey, I can't believe that you're for real

Well, there's fist fights in the kitchen
They're enough to make me cry
The mailman comes in
Even he's gotta take a side

Even the butler
He's got something to prove

Then you ask, why I don't live here
Honey, how come you move?