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All rise and come to orderBailiff start the video recorderYou've been sworn, what's your complaint?Speak up son, don't hesitate!He presided in his courtroom so long agoHe was hanging cowboys for stealing buffaloCourt is adjourned, for his honor's feeling illThe shaking old relic needs a glycerin pill!Hang up your rope 'cause you're looking tiredIf it was up to me they'd all be firedDay after day convicting all those liarsThis ain't TV jailIt's TV hell!ChorusBelieve it or notThose walking blood clotsMake enough money for a thousand foot yachtWho in HollywoodDid they every acquit?Just senile, judicial idiotsAs the drama unfoldsAnd the law he upholdsIf you look real closeYou could see him growing moldSmall claims messiahIs only a pariah to be ridiculed...Objection Overruled! All rise as he takes the benchTo hear his old voice make my gut wrenchSilence to those who are in his courtI'm found guilty by his reportNo washed-up judge can say to meThe shit he throws arround when he's on TVWhat can he fucking do, throw me in jail?I'd slap out his dentures, post them for bail!Hang up your robe 'cause you're looking tiredIf it was up to me they'd all be firedDay after day convicting all those liarsThis ain't TV jail, it's TV hell!ChorusYou lose the caseTo a bigger bullshit they you todayWhen it comes to the endYou tell all of TV land what you've got to sayWhen you're dead and goneWill they get another fossil to carry on?They must go to schoolTo hand-pick these old foolsI say to youObjection Overruled!It's all Perry Mason's fault!Cat strangling